Tag Archives: jeff schult

An Unusual Resume

I’ve always had sort of a roguish curriculum vitae, I guess. Why “roguish?” I’m certain most employers would (or have) describe/d it differently and with less charm. But I think it is the right word because, for example, I could probably add that I was first mate on a pirate ship and people would think it made perfect sense.

The version of it I’ve had up on careerbuilder dot com and monster dot com (no links for you guys, hah) has never done me a whit of good … I think HR departments are good at screening out rogues. The last time a resume played any role in getting me a job, I think it was 1981.

Yesterday, I debated deleting myself from the aforementioned job sites because they do me no good and, increasingly, they let their clients spam me for sales and/or multilevel marketing jobs, which makes me crazy. But instead I tried a writing experiment. I added *this* to the top of my resumes:

“I don’t see any point in writing a boilerplate “objective” designed to squeeze me through the HR funnel to interviewers on the way to Cubicleland, or even a corner office. If you’re unnerved that I would say so, please don’t bother me. I’m busy. You might be getting paid to seek me out, but I’m not getting paid to listen to you.

“If, on the other hand, you’re someone who needs a wickedly smart person who writes anything as well as anyone, has a tremendous range of skills and interests and knows how to get things done, you’re invited to try and get my interest. Please start with email. Try to be clever. I treat online job sites just as I would a dating site. I’m choosy because I can be. And I won’t chase YOU unless you’re irresistible.”

What do you think? Can’t hurt, right? I do crack myself up sometimes …

On the Cover of the Daily Kos

(With apologies to Shel Silverstein and Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, at the very least. I mean, I may have a lot of apologizing to do for this, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.)

(Meant to be sung and spoken to the tune of “Cover of the Rolling Stone”)

(And, for those who wouldn’t know, Daily Kos is a very popular political blog.)

On the Cover of the Daily Kos

(Spoken: Hey Markos! Hey SusanG! Tell ‘em who we are …

Well, we’re big blog writers, we’re the real outsiders
And we’re cool and hip and slick
We blog about Obama and we blog about Bush
Though we make just pennies a click.
We’re all kinds of nerds, all in love with our words
But the love that we crave the most
Is the love that’s inside me
When I get my diary
On the cover of the Daily Kos
Continue reading On the Cover of the Daily Kos

A. Cat on Christmas

A. Cat passed on a couple of years ago. He was big and white and unruly and benignly despotic. I generally avoid euphemisms such as “passed on,” but I do not have a better phrase for what happened with him; for he simply disappeared, to my consternation and sorrow. But I occasionally saw him thereafter. The first time, he was big as life — I was making coffee and he came trotting out of the bedroom and loped through my kitchenette toward the sliding glass doors that led to the deck, steps and Long Island Sound … and he vanished into the near-blinding morning sun. It was so real that I followed him and, once again, looked everywhere for a cat who was no longer there.

Since then, I have mostly caught him on the edge of my peripheral vision, every once in a while. And I have heard him. He was a bit of a muse and I think that he knew that, and he will forever have a voice and a place in my head, no matter what other characters, real or imagined, walk about in there.

He helped me loads with my first short magazine piece after I returned to writing for print in 2004, enough so that I gave him the byline, which was rather less than he deserved if you look at it rationally, from his point of view. As though yours or mine mattered …

Cats know a thing or two about magic, and A. Cat knew a thing or two more than most cats. There is no doubt in my mind but that he will find his way back into print. I have a folder with his name on it and a dozen pieces in it, ranging from snippets and one liners to completed essays to the first chapter of what could be a somewhat lengthy work of fantasy fiction, which I don’t really write except when A. Cat is too much with me.

Enough foreplay, he’d say. Get on with it. And so … regarding Christmas: Continue reading A. Cat on Christmas